How many fucking lunatics are out there in this goddamn world?!

I’m slaving away in a damn clothing store, and I swear, I never imagined there’d be this many batshit crazy fuckers around. One minute, people are screwing like animals in the fitting rooms, the next they’re shitting or pissing all over the place. Hell, I’ve even had to deal with cum-stained clothes—yeah, that’s a thing. And just today, I stumbled upon some drunk asshole passed out in a fitting room, pants nowhere to be found, with his dick just hanging out for the world to see. What the actual fuck?!
#wtf #insanity #retailhell #fuckedup

What a fucking epic birthday bash!

Turning 18 was a damn riot! I partied so hard that I woke up in the ICU with both legs busted to hell. And if that wasn’t wild enough, someone dropped the bombshell pics of a zucchini lodged where the sun don’t shine. Absolute insanity!
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So, I splurged on a kickass bouquet for my girl's birthday—tomorrow’s the big day. Dropped a cool 10k on those blooms, ya know, to make her feel like a queen. Planned to roll up in the morning and hand them over with flair. Left the flowers chilling overnight in a bucket of water in the bathroom, thinking they’d stay fresh.

Fast forward to morning, I check on ‘em, and holy shit—disaster! My drunk-ass dad, in some fucked-up stupor, legit took a dump in the damn bucket. Petals drowning in crap, and he’s passed out cold, no clue why the hell he’d do this insanity. I’m pissed, but also kinda losing it laughing at the absurdity. 😡😂

Now I’m on a mission to scrub the literal shit outta these flowers, make ‘em presentable, and still surprise my girl. Fingers crossed I can pull off this stinking miracle, damn it!
#whathefuck #disaster #familydrama #birthdayfail

Hey there, degenerates of the internet! 🖤

So, just the other night, I hit up a club, wild and ready for chaos.
Everything went down as expected—rolled in with my crew, rolled out with a chick.
We get to her place, and while she’s freshening up in the shower, I decide to snoop around her pad.
Spot a mysterious locked room, and curiosity gets the better of me. I think, “Hell, while I’m waiting, let’s see what dirty secrets she’s hiding.”
Man, when I cracked that door open, I damn near lost my mind!
First thing I see is this seductive, moody lighting, then—bam—tables lined with dicks, from tiny 10cm toys to a monster that looked like a frickin’ leg!
Bottles of lube everywhere, and the kicker? A full arsenal of hardcore BDSM gear.
I’m standing there, jaw on the floor, thinking, “This chick’s unhinged!”
By the time she steps out of the shower, I’m already halfway out the door, hopping in the car with my boys, laughing my ass off over the insanity I just witnessed.

For those wondering:
Nah, I didn’t ditch my bros, lol. They practically shoved me out the door with her since I’m always buried in work and barely get to hang with them.
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Day 25. Got a tale about an old buddy of mine that’ll make you cringe and cackle. A bunch of us got together for a “classy” night of boozing—or, well, not so classy. Next morning, this absolute legend wakes up with a blank slate, no clue what went down. Turns out, the madman had been rolling around in God-knows-where, caked in filth, and the apartment? It reeked like a goddamn sewer. Why, you ask?

In the dead of night, half-asleep and still smashed, this genius felt nature’s call—the big one. In his drunken stupor, he somehow mistook a fancy-ass, top-dollar gaming chair (belonging to the host, no less) for the damn toilet. Yeah, he did his dirty deed right there, dumped a load on that poor chair, then just stumbled back to crash. Come morning, the horror show was revealed: shit was literally dripping down his legs, smeared across the bed, the floor, everywhere. It was a complete and utter shitstorm, folks. Absolute insanity! 🤣
#epicfail #drunkstories #wtf #shithappens