The Ultimate Blowjob and How to Land It

If you ever feel like a complete jackass, just think of me. I attempted the impossible—trying to suck myself off, stretching my body to the limit. I nearly kissed the tip, lips trembling close to glory, when a savage pain ripped through my side. I hobbled around for days, wondering if I’d pulled some muscle or worse. Turns out, I ended up in the hospital with a fucking ruptured spleen. What a goddamn adventure!
#epicfail #wtf #selfsuck #hospitalhorror

I’m an obstetrician working the intake desk at a maternity hospital, and let me tell you, I’ve seen some wild shit. One day, an ambulance rolled in with this absolute trainwreck of a woman—drunk off her ass, bleeding everywhere, and zero medical history on file. Turns out, she wasn’t just hemorrhaging; she was in full-blown labor! We didn’t even make it to the delivery room. This lady popped out a baby right there in the goddamn elevator, surrounded by metal walls and the stench of booze. And get this—after all that chaos, she straight-up abandoned the little boy. Said she had no clue who the father was, already had four kids at home, and couldn’t be bothered with another. Disgusting. People like her are a fucking disgrace.
#hospitalhorror #wtfmoment #neglect #shocking