So, there I was, at some regional competition in a random-ass city, when nature called with the urgency of a freight train. I storm into what I thought was a shitter, drop trou, and start unloading my burdens like a goddamn champion. Mid-squat, this bathroom—turns out to be a goddamn sanctuary—starts blasting ocean waves and seagull cries through some hidden speaker. I shut my eyes and bam, I’m dropping a deuce right on a sandy beach, wind in my hair, pure bliss. Finished the deed, wiped my ass with some fancy chamomile-scented wet wipes, feeling like royalty. But wait, plot twist—I’m in the freaking women’s restroom! Step out, and there’s a line of chicks staring at me like I just murdered their puppy. They were, let’s say, mildly horrified.

Oh, and about the competition? Snagged myself a bronze, baby!
#bathroomblunder #epicfail #wtf #competitionvibes