Rewritten Russian text translated to English:

A week back, I had a wild, fleeting fling with a hot MILF, probably around 30-32. We crossed paths in a sweaty club, knocked back a few cocktails, tore up the dance floor, and before I knew it, she was going down on me right in my car. Numbers exchanged, we planned to link up again in a couple of days. I dial her up, and she’s all casual, asking me to scoop her from work. Turns out, she’s on the force—yeah, a cop, as I later discovered. I roll up hyped for some action, park across from a bank, and notice a damn police station to the left. Didn’t think much of it until she struts out in full uniform, hops in my ride, and says, “Let’s head to my place.” We’re cruising, chatting about random bullshit, and I’m thinking, holy fuck, I’ve hit the jackpot—got myself some cop connections, even if it’s just a sergeant. Who gives a shit, right?

We pull up to her crib, sit there in awkward silence—one minute, two, three. I’m like, fuck this cop-spawning nonsense, so I blurt out, “Wanna invite me in for some… tea?” She lets out a heavy sigh, drops her head, and hits me with, “We need to stop this. I’m pregnant—by someone else. This was all a mistake.” Then boom, she swings the door open, steps out, and just walks off. Left me sitting there, dumbfounded, with a boner and no closure—call me “Andy with a hard pastry,” I guess.

Last night, at 2 a.m., she texts me outta nowhere: “Can we meet? Need to talk.” On one hand, she’s a damn fine MILF, sucks like a pro, and those police ties could come in handy. On the other, if I keep banging her, next thing I know, she’ll be begging me to play daddy to her little gremlin. What the hell do I do, folks?

🌭 - Keep smashing, but dodge the kid-raising drama
👍 - Tell her to fuck off
😐 - Take her and the kid, pros might outweigh the cons
#milfdrama #copconnection #unexpectedtwist #whatdoido

I can still recall being 18, drowning in panic over the fact that I was still a damn virgin. Desperate to shed that label, I hooked up with a guy through some random ad—he was a good decade older, guarding a dusty old bookstore for a living. Of course, I fed him the classic lie that I’d been with guys before. Gotta save face, right? So, in a wild moment of desperation, I grabbed a freaking roll-on deodorant and took matters into my own hands, popping my own cherry. Barely any blood, thank god.

Later, we planned the real deal. I was a total disaster—awkward as hell, stiff as a board, and hated every second of it. Lucky for me, he didn’t catch on to my rookie status. And just like that, I ditched my virginity in the most unglamorous way possible.
#virginitystories #firsttime #awkwardsex #novice

I once had a pal—yeah, “had” is the keyword here, and you’ll soon get why. One day, his old man kicked the bucket, and I figured I’d be the good guy, lift his spirits, ya know? So I dropped this gem on him:
“Chin up, man, you’ve still got a spare dad, right?”
Well, that was the last time we ever spoke.
I still feel like a complete jackass about it, though.
#awkward #footinmouth #regret #epicfail

I went to meet my girl’s folks, ready to make a good impression. But her dad, man, he straight-up dropped a bombshell on me with this line: “Listen here, punk, you better wrap it up tight when you’re banging her. She’s already had one abortion, and I ain’t dealing with that shit again.”
I’m 19, she’s 18, and I’m just standing there like… what the actual fuck? 😐
#awkward #familydrama #toomuchinfo #wtf

Last night, I was sprawled out, jerking off to some hardcore smut,
Lost in the heat, I fucking passed out mid-stroke.
Woke up around 9 to my mom’s piercing shrieks—
There I was, dick still in hand, cum smeared across the sheets.
Mom went full savage, whipping my legs with a belt,
While Dad couldn’t stop cackling, tossing out jabs like,
“Why chase pussy when you’ve got your trusty fist?”
#nsfw #awkward #familydrama #cringe

Alright, so I’m 21, not some hideous troll, got a decent figure, everything’s in place, and my rep is squeaky clean.

But today, holy shit, it hit me like a brick—I’m straight-up repelling guys, and I’ve got no damn clue why. Let me paint the picture for you. We’re chilling with a crew, vibes are casual, and somehow my friend and I end up crashing on a bed where this dude’s already sprawled out. Later, he dips to sleep in another room, but then comes back and slides in next to me. So, we’re just lying there, right? Then my friend strolls in, aiming to squeeze by the wall, but nope, she plops right in the middle. Next thing I know, this guy’s got his arms around her, and they’re out cold, cuddling like I’m invisible. I’m just lying there, feeling like a third wheel, until the mattress starts shaking and the bed creaks like a haunted house. Yeah, I got the hint—I’m the odd one out. So, I dragged my ass to another room to sleep off the humiliation.
#awkward #thirdwheel #rejection #fml

I’m grinding away as a delivery driver, and one day I pick up this stunning chick—total knockout, all polished and classy. We hit it off, chatting like old pals. Things felt smooth as hell, so we swapped digits and even grabbed coffee over the weekend.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I’m hauling another order and, lo and behold, I roll up to her damn husband’s place. Dude’s all smiles, snatches the food, thanks me like I’m his best bud, and casually drops, “Gonna chill with the wifey and binge a show tonight.”

Now I’m stuck in this messed-up headspace. Do I spill the beans to this poor bastard or keep my trap shut? Part of me screams, “Mind your own damn business,” but the other half is raging—nothing pisses me off more than watching someone get played like a fool behind their back.

😐 - Stay out of it, live your own life
👍 - Lay it all out for the guy, he deserves the truth
#drama #betrayal #awkward #moraldilemma

Just the other day, a girl from my group lost her mom to the grave. I caught her sobbing her heart out in the hallway, tears streaming like a damn river. Curious, I asked what the hell was wrong. She choked out that living without her mom was pure fucking torture, an unbearable void. Trying to lift her spirits, I wrapped her in a tight hug and whispered, "Hey, sweetheart, don’t drown in despair. You’ll be reunited with your mom before you know it..." Yeah, I’m a complete dumbass for saying that.
#grief #loss #awkward #facepalm

Ran into my ex after 5 long years. Same damn face, but now she's rocking a cross necklace, dragging along two kids, and hitched to some beer-bellied dude. Me? I’m just hustling as a cab driver. She hopped into my ride, barely said a word—just some awkward small talk. But here’s the kicker: a day later, she hits me up saying her man can’t get her off, and apparently, I’m the only one who ever did (you know, ‘cause I’m packing some serious heat down there). So, what the hell do I do?

😐- Say yes and rail her senseless
👍- Ghost her ass and block her
🌭- Smash her and spill the beans to her chubby hubby
#exdrama #cheatingtemptation #wildrides #nofilter

I was absolutely floored when, right in the middle of getting pounded by my guy, his older brother barged into the room! My dude didn’t even flinch, just kept slamming into me from behind, pinning me against the couch, while his bro casually asked, “Yo, where the fuck is the laptop charger?” Total fucking humiliation, I’m mortified!
#awkward #wtf #embarrassment #cringe

I'm 25 and somehow I've never locked lips with anyone. I'm not a total weirdo, I just can't figure out the damn trick to go from chit-chat to making out. Do I just grab a chick and suck face like some desperate caveman? And seriously, is this some massive shameful secret I should be hiding?

Shit happens, right?
Or am I just a complete fucking loser?
#awkward #virginlips #datingstruggles #help

Hey, what a damn disaster! I hooked up with this chick, and things were going hot and heavy! We crashed at my place to "watch a movie," got all over each other... I was feeling her up down low, but she’s rocking these high-waisted pants. She just took it at first, then snapped, losing her cool, and yelled, “Are you a friggin’ moron? You’re just messing with my belly button!”

I shot back with a smirk, “Babe, I can screw around with your navel some more if you’re into it.”

She got pissed as hell and stormed out!
#awkward #fail #savage #cringe

P21. I’m grinding away at a car repair shop, elbow-deep in grease. Was changing oil for this chick, and damn, she caught my eye. We swapped digits, and soon enough, I rolled up to her place straight from the shop for a movie night. She mentioned living solo, so we cracked open some beers, and shit got wild fast.
By the way, she had these two yapping Chihuahuas, annoying as hell, barking their tiny heads off. And right in the middle of the action, those demon dogs go absolutely berserk, shrieking through the whole damn apartment. Then I hear it—a key turning in the lock.
A shadowy figure looms in the hallway. It’s her freakin’ grandpa. The old man instantly smells trouble, spotting my grimy-ass slippers smeared with engine oil. “What the fuck, who’s this filthy bastard you dragged in now?” he booms, his voice shaking the walls.
Next thing I know, I’m tossed out on my ass, half-drunk, stumbling back home. I deleted her number, and now I’m torn.
🤣 - Swing by her place again and keep the chaos going.
😐 - Screw it, ghost her, and hunt for someone new.
#drama #wtf #awkward #hookups

Landed a gig as an operator at Sberbank, and I’m two weeks in already.
I’m playing the friendly card hard—greeting everyone with a firm handshake and a big-ass grin.
But there’s this one boss who never shakes back. Not once.
I’m walking around, stewing in my head: What the hell is this? Does he think I’m beneath him? Too proud to acknowledge a newbie? Keeping score of the fresh meat?
Then today, the truth hits like a damn freight train—he doesn’t have a hand. Hasn’t for two freaking years.
And the kicker? Every single soul in the office knew, except for yours truly.
Talk about a stellar way to kick off with the new crew.
#awkward #worklife #facepalm #newbie

D22. This dude’s got the audacity to scroll through porn while I’m down there working my magic... like, seriously, he’s just craving some goddamn variety! He claims everything’s fine, but then tosses in a “why not?” and “what’s the big deal?” vibe. Meanwhile, I’m over here hating every second of it! What’s your take, folks?

😐-Total bullshit, especially with porn in the mix
🌭-Eh, it’s whatever, why make a fuss?
#relationshipdrama #wtf #awkward #nsfw

Alright, here’s the wild story.
I’m on a damn train, and suddenly, I’m horny as hell, gotta jerk off right now.
So, I’m like, screw it, full throttle, let’s do this!
But holy crap, I check the train toilet, and the flush is busted.
I dump it in the sink, but guess what? No freaking water in the tap either!
Without a second thought, I smear it around with some toilet paper to make it less obvious, cover up the crime scene, and slip out.
Then, boom, some old granny walks in to brush her teeth like nothing’s wrong!
#trainstories #wtf #awkward #noshamenogame

Decided to buy a **** from AliExpress when I was 16, it arrived, picked it up. Same evening used it in the shower, was 500 rubles so didn't feel much pleasure, but good for variety. Hid it under the bathtub. Next day when I came home from school mom started interrogating me about hiding something under the bathtub. I played dumb of course, and dad laughing says "leave him alone." Luckily managed to blame my older brother who was away working👌#aliexpressfail #sextoy #momfound #blamed #brother #teenage #awkward #hiddenstash

Once I put ***** on the TV and started choking my python. Then dad suddenly comes home from work, from panic I jumped up to turn off the ***** but couldn't find the remote, got so scared I passed out, and never turned off the TV.#caughtred #awkward #familyembarrassment #pornfail #fainted #daddyissues #masturbationfail