The Girl Whispers Sweet Nothings to My Dick

So, I’m about to dump this chick, but she’s clinging on for dear life, dragging me to our secret hideout like it’s gonna change my mind. I already know how this shitshow ends, and I’m over it, but fuck it, I go anyway. Without wasting a damn second, she’s on her knees, unzipping my pants, pulling out my cock, and going to town like it’s her last meal. I tell her straight up, “This ain’t gonna fix anything,” but then—get this—she starts fuckin’ talking to my dick. Yeah, you heard that right. She’s staring right at it, cooing like it’s her damn puppy, saying, “My sweet boy, we’re so good together… but your asshole owner doesn’t give a shit! He wants to tear us apart!” I’m standing there, dumbfounded, not sure whether to laugh or just walk the hell away. What the fuck do I even do with her now?
#wtf #crazyex #mindblown #awkward

Dude Totally Lost His Marbles

So, we met, dated for a hot three months, and I was actually starting to vibe with this guy. Everything was pure gold until I thought I’d spice things up with a surprise—showed up early, heart all aflutter.
I walk in, and this bastard... he’s in bed with a damn inflatable doll!
And get this—not just chilling with it. He draped a friggin’ romantic blanket over her, lit some candles, and had a cheesy slow jam playing in the background like it’s their anniversary.
I’m like, “Are you for real, man?” and he hits me with, “At least she won’t cheat on me.”
#wtf #crazyex #mindblown #relationshipsucks