I was a security guard, yeah, a fuckin’ watchdog. Surrounded by a shit-ton of cameras in that warehouse, but my dumb ass locked eyes on just one. Under that lens, some chick was squatting, giving a masked dude the sloppiest head I’ve ever seen. I’m a total idiot, glued to the screen, watching the whole damn performance from start to finish. Got so damn hard I couldn’t hold back—jerked off right there. Finished, looked up, and the horny bastards had vanished. So, I dragged myself to patrol the warehouse... and holy shit, I lost my mind: the place was fuckin’ cleaned out. Those sneaky assholes played me with their distracting little sex show, and it worked like a goddamn charm.
#securityfail #distracted #mindblown #sneakybitches

I’ve got this buddy, right, and back in the day, he rolled around in a beat-up Lada, a real piece of junk. Almost every damn day, we’d huddle around our rusty rides, tinkering with ‘em, chugging cheap beer, and cackling like idiots. Well, except for him—he was the designated driver, stuck sipping soda while we got sloshed.

One evening, we were deep in the guts of his clunker, piecing it back together after tearing it apart. He got distracted, probably daydreaming about something dumb, and I, being the absolute gremlin I am, yanked a brake line hose off just for shits and giggles. Figured he’d catch it, slap it back on, and we’d have a good laugh. Spoiler: he didn’t notice a damn thing.

That night, my man straight-up smashed into a fence—brakes completely kaput. The front of his car? Totaled. The fence? Obliterated. And now, on top of fixing his wreck, he’s gotta shell out cash to patch up some rando’s property. What a disaster.

So, tell me, do I deserve the glorious title of Chief Screw-Up Mechanic of Failville or what?
#epicfail #carmayhem #dumbassmove #wrecked